Stuart Wellington
: Stuart Wellington is somewhat of an original party animal...it's his cross to bear. Once went on a trip to Yosemite so amazing they should have made a movie about it. It is his dream to one day kill a bear with a flamethrower. : Stuart is currently employed as a Scorpion Wrangler on The Daily Show. An accredited member of the press, per NYCC (aka Flopcon). They gave him a badge and everything. : Stuart can't help that texting and browsing the Internet is often more interesting than the movies. Have you SEEN some of those movies? : A Sexual Dynamo - no matter when you're reading this, he's still consumating his marriage. They'll talk about that on a future episode of the podcast. Stuart also perfected the "Fake male orgasm" which involves blindfolding a woman and spitting in her face. : In Episode 69: Big Money Rustlas, Stuart disclosed his ethnicity as a Juggalo. In the "Conan the Barbarian" episode, he revealed his worship of Crom - perhaps making him a Crommalo? Complicating matters, in Episode 50: Delgo (@4:45) he commented: "I like Dagon. I'd worship him." Elsewhere, he has been described as an acolyte of the Old Ones. Factoids * Like to bowl for cheese * Infrequently plays the role of peacemaker, and is ordinarily the freshmaker. * During a period of unrest between the floppers, Stuart suggested some retooling of the Flophouse format. To wit: fewer bad movies, more pornographic movies, and instead of talking about the movie, to just masturbate as a group. Ultimately this was rejected since they had already tried that once, with at best mixed results. (Episode 68: Teen Witch) * As of Episode 102: Cowboys & Aliens, is badder than ever. Has yet to go black, so he keeps coming back. * In The Flop House production of Snow White, he would be "Cool Dwarf". * Has a secret wish to be a half-Duck/half-ninja turtle that lives in Duckburg, does not crave pizza, and has gadgets made by his buddy Gyro Gearloose. * Has a buddy named Alexander Delicious. (Episode 30: Bangkok Dangerous @47:10) * Considers himself a major "phan" of the Phantasm phranchise. (Episode 140: After Earth @55:45) * Is not quite certain about what Netflix is, or how it works. Personal Tastes * "Horrifying" porn, which he watches compulsively. (Episode 25: The Happening @50:55) * * If you had to pin him down on what he wants in a movie, it needs a couple of basic components: boobs + vengeful dead old people. (But not Titanic.) * Fantasy literature based in the grimdark universe of Warhammer 40,000. * 1970s science fiction novels * All-time favorite film ever: 40 Days and 40 Nights. (repeated references throughout series) Highly-Recommended Films :;Castle Freak :* Episode 53: Hannah Montana: The Movie @54:00 :* Episode 82: Drive Angry @50:45 :* Episode 108: Passion Play :* Episode 179: Mortdecai :; Head of the Family :* Episode 39: Bride Wars @40:50 :* Episode 70: Jonah Hex :* Episode 89: Season of the Witch :; The Invisible Maniac :* Episode 46: Obsessed @38:20 :* Episode 68: Teen Witch :* Episode 87: My Soul to Take :* Episode 117: Seeking Justice @59:05 Look-Alikes/Sound-Alikes * Josh Brolin * Henchman 24 * Thurston Howell, III * Seth Rogen * 'Jason Segel ' Alter Egos * Dr. Inferno Fireburns (Episode 24: Prom Night @36:40) * Striker Steelwar (ibid. @36:40) Catchphrases *Hhheeeyyy... dduuddeess! *Wait... what? ** Episode 47: The Unborn @4:20 ** Episode 94: Conan the Barbarian @23:35 ** Episode 102: Cowboys & Aliens @12:25 *Is this... is this a bit? ** Episode 82: Drive Angry @12:55 *I'll allow it. ** Episode 120: The Paperboy @20:45 ** Episode 124: Stolen @00:45 ** Episode 129: A Good Day to Die Hard @43:40 ** Episode 130: The Scarlet Letter @30:10 ** Episode 133: Bullet to the Head @48:35 ** Episode 140: After Earth @39:50 ** Episode 142: Getaway @27:00 ** Episode 145: R.I.P.D. @11:05 (spoken by Dan) ** Episode 146: B*A*P*S @40:15 ** Episode 190: Ouija @39:15 *Do what your body wants. ** Episode 53: Hannah Montana: The Movie @46:30 ** Episode 114: Abduction @27:10 ** Episode 130: The Scarlet Letter @22:05 ** Episode 135: Olympus Has Fallen @45:15 ** Episode 144: Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor @24:30 (spoken by Dan) *Mash-em-up (or, occasionally "Mix-em-up") *10 wormy boners! *Spoookily good-bad! *Rufio! Rufio! Rufio! ** Episode 114: Abduction @27:10 *Are there a lot of (thing that is obviously in the movie, or obviously not in the movie) in this movie? * (When taking over summary duties for an absent Elliott) Smash cut to scene of movie. Memorable Quotes * * Stuart's Favorite Jokes : As mentioned in ''Episode 55: The Ugly Truth.'' :# Kicking someone in the crotch :# Ding-Dong sound effects :# Boobs popping out of a chick's shirt :# Foul-mouthed and/or rapping grannies :* Farts (honorable mention) Lexicon Neologisms, obscure slang, and any terms that Stuart has to explain. :; bi-optional :: A person at liberty of becoming bisexual. :; chest butt :: cleavage / décolletage :; Coney Island whitefish :: A used and discarded condom. :: Episode 134: Upside Down @37:00 :; cum gutters :: sculpted abs / six pack / hypertrophy of the Rectus abdominis :; death by monster :: A method of execution effected by means of confinement with a savage creature. :; Italian t-shirt :: An especially hairy chest. :: Episode 51: X-Men Origins: Wolverine @38:00 :; lucky pierre :: The guy in the middle of a gay threesome. :: Episode 96: Dream House @25:15 :; sammich :: sandwich :: Episode 61: Surrogates @30:15 :; seneschal :: The highest-ranking servant in a medieval great house. :: Episode 69: Big Money Rustlas @4:50 :; shit sandwich :: A criticism technique where one negative item comes between two positives. :; sprue :: The frame that plastic model kits come on. :: Episode 105: A Thousand Words @35:20 :; turd cutter :: ass Stuart Wellington: Globeflopper Category:Hosts Category:Regular Hosts